Where's the balance?

It's almost 10:00 pm and I finally have the chance to get to emails and do some research to help me with work tomorrow. As I sit here, I wonder, where is this balance I keep hearing so many "experts" write about. No working mother I know feels they have a good balance in their life. I know I don't. My entire career I pushed the envelope, kept my skills up to date and tried to remain in the front of the pack. I thought when my son came along that nothing about work would change. Guess what? Everything changed. I spent years working the "extended" hours to prove myself and gain the respect of colleagues and those in the positions I strived for, only to feel guilty now that I am a nine to fiver. Why should I feel guilty? Why should I care if the fellow in the next cube looks at his watch as I walk past at 5:15. Was I supposed to assume when I took my job that 9-5 actually meant 8:30-6:00? We are so busy working ourselves to death that we forget about what really matters in life. Cause let me tell you... I am not retiring any younger than my grandparents and I work a lot more hours. So if working moms are made to feel guilty FOR working, and still feel guilty for not working overtime... where's the balance?

A day in the life

To say I am tired is an understatement. Our typical day is up at 5:30 a.m., out the door at 8:00. Drop off at daycare where it takes anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes to pry junior off me so I can get to work on time. Some days are easier than others at the release. Some days I sit in the car for a minute and cry because it was so hard and he was so upset I was leaving him. Enter working mommy guilt.

I have recently changed jobs so the end of the day is easier now. I used to get out of work at 5:30 and by the time we got out of the on-site daycare and battle traffic to get home it was about 6:30. Now I work till 5:00 and my son is in a daycare close to home, so my husband can pick him up earlier than I can get there. Huge help! And he even has dinner ready when I get home, which is by 6:00 now.

After dinner we go through the dinner cleanup and bath/bedtime routine. 9:00 p.m. and I can finally collapse on the couch before getting things ready for tomorrow. 10:00 and I am checking email and getting some work done. 11:00 bedtime routine and I crawl into bed where I am usually sound asleep by midnight. My one chance to just "be".

Why do we do this to ourselves and our families? Weekends are not even ours to relax and enjoy because that's when all the errands and chores need to be done. We work more than ever, with less to show for it and our families suffer. The kids, who will one day run our country. Will they be the ones smart enough to say enough? Will they be able to change the face of corporate america to accept family values once again?

Starting a new chapter

So here I am, 2 months after my father lost his battle with cancer at the age of 65. His passing has made an incredible impact in my career driven life. I have realized I have the most amazing 2 year old who has spent all his days in daycare and at times when he was sick and needed me, I thought about work before him. Yes, I do feel guilty about this and though I can't take it back, I can vow to rank him and my husband where they should be... #1!!

Don't get me wrong, I am still in the rat race. I just have a new perspective on it and I wonder how in the year 2007 I am made to feel bad about being "a mom first".