Sunday Evening Blues

Well, It's that time again. Sunday evening. Everyone else is up in bed and I am on my computer contemplating my future. My career future that is. I look at the clock and realize that in less than 12 hours I will be rushing my son and myself out the door to get us to our respective destinations on time. The places that we spend more time at in a week than with each other. And with each drop off, a piece of my heart is left behind.

It's not the working itself I mind. I love what I do. I am a creative director at a publishing company, I get to "play" a good portion of my week. Well, that's how I see it anyway. My husband insists I am a geek. I spent my whole life working to get to this point, my problem comes in that I have always deep down wanted to be my own boss and have my own company. A successful company. And though I am driven and motivated and take risks in all other areas of my life, I have never quite been able to take that leap of faith in myself. To let go of the safety of that paycheck and benefits to create something great that will hopefully benefit other working parents looking for that same thing I am... satisfaction.

As I said, it's not the working I mind, it's the lack of flexibility. It's the whispers from coworkers when your child's school closes for a snowstorm. The sad reality is, my husband and I are tormented over whether to have another child based on the cost of daycare and the fear my company may not agree to a partial telecommuting schedule for a year or 2. I fear not working at all, what if something were to happen to my husband, I might have to start over at a much lesser salary and benefits. Not to mention college and retirement. Yes, these are the things that keep me staring at my ceiling at night instead of getting the much needed sleep my body is craving right now. And it makes my heart ache when my 3 year old tells me he wants to be a brother.

I do know one thing... should that second child come along and my company decide they would rather be rigid on rules than come into the present times for working parents, well maybe that is the push I need to get that business off the ground. And who knows, maybe that business could be my children's future someday.

Goodbye winter

Spring is almost upon us. The clocks go ahead this weekend and slowly but surely the weather gets milder and warmer. Yay! I do not know who's getting cabin fever worse , my son or me. I am looking forward to walks on the boardwalk in the balmy summer evenings. To decompress from being Ms. take charge creative director and just being, fun mommy. Unbelievably my son does think I am fun. And funny. This is my most prized trait...I am funny. There is no work I consider greater or more successful than getting that uncontrollable giggle and smile from my 3 year old. So my spring resolution is to laugh more even at work, not take myself so seriously and get more sand between my toes.